When You Start Doubt whether God can even hear you

I've been having a difficult time at work, certain things have happened that have made me feel under valued and worthless. This has upset me a lot. I have turned to my spiritual books etc for guidance to get me through this difficult patch. One suggested meditation was the key so I got up early every morning and meditated but instead of my situation getting better it seemed to get worse. I tried affirmations, writing in my journal and praying for help . I got nothing, no sign, no messages, no miracles. It seemed to me that when you are feeling fine and life is floating along swimmingly miracles are abundant. You're in alignment with the universe and you only have to ask and you will receive, however, when you're going through a difficult patch and not in alignment with your true self you block the flow of the universe making it difficult for help to get through. This seems a bit unfair to me. Why, when you are depressed and most in need of Gods help your own depression is keeping him out of reach. I will be honest I never stopped believing in God or asking for his help but I did start to think have I got all this spiritual stuff wrong. My low mood has lasted for weeks. Last night I put in a search on the internet 'What to do when it feels like the Universe is against you'. I got lots of hits, most of them I didn't understand but one response got me thinking. It said that it was possible that I wasn't really reacting to what was going on at work. I was reacting to something deeper, maybe stemming from my childhood and it is that I need to address. I have long been aware that being bullied at school has had a great impact on my life even now after all these years. It has effected my confidence and my self-esteem, in fact any negative comment, even just an odd look in my direction has the ability to knock me sideways and feelings of being a failure soon arise in me. When I gave my current situation some thought I realised this long held insecurity was the cause of my unhappiness. Michael Singer states in the book 'The Untethered Soul' that we should come to realise that all these negative thoughts chattering in our head are not really us they are just thoughts that we are witnessing. We do not have to give them any of our time or energy. We just need to acknowledge that they are there and then let them pass us by. I sat last night and I wrote down what sort of worker would I like people to think I was. Words such as creative, enthusiastic, committed sprung to mind. I then did some brain storming of ways I could show that I was all of those things. I decided that as difficult as it is I would try and let those negative feelings pass me by and focus on the new ideas I had come up with. I do believe that difficult times are sent to teach us and we have to go through them to learn although when you are going through them it can seem unbearable and a very lonely time. If you're going through a similar experience all I can suggest is to keep writing how you feel in your journal, keep praying and meditating and keep looking for spiritual guidance from any source and eventually help will come. Maybe what I've written will help you, I hope so. We're a complicated breed us humans and life's not easy and feeling like you do is normal, just look deep within and maybe that is where your answers lie.

Just Do Something!

So I like to read self-help books and a lot of them suggest you visualise where you would like to be in the future. The more detail you can add the better and then you can start to plan what you would like to achieve in the next year, 6 months , the next week. Well I don't know in detail where I would like to be in the future. I know that I would like to feel content and I would like to feel relaxed and at peace. I know I would like to get up in the morning and think 'Yey, another great day!' instead of thinking I wish I wasn't at work today. It has been a source of much concern that I am so unclear about what I want and I have feared that because of this it is unlikely that anything will ever change . I have decided therefore that I will only look as far as the day that is in front of me. I have always said to myself 'If you don't know what to do, just do something'. I reckon that if I just do something rather than nothing each day then I must be taking one step forward towards my goal. So now when I wake up and I write in my journal anything that pops into my head that seems like a good idea to do, I will try and do. I figure that God will know better than me what will make me happy so I will leave it up to God to guide me and hopefully I will find that peace and experience a lot of joy on the way too.

A Daily Ritual

I like most have a super hectic life. I know that if only I can allow myself a moment of daily quiet time I can allow God to enter in and guide me but I often think I have too much to do and trying to switch off  and stop all those thoughts entering me head is really difficult. First of all I have to remind myself that finding just 5 minutes of quiet time is probably the most worthwhile thing I will do all day. I have found that just telling myself to STOP actually helps me to do what it says. I say to myself:
Stop for a moment and relax
Stop for a moment, trying to do 101 things
Stop for a moment trying to figure everything out
Stop for a moment feeling guilty about everything

Surprisingly saying these words gives me the permission to allow myself to just sit quietly and relax. Stop for a moment and allow your mind to to be blank and allow your body to relax.
When I feel ready after a good period of relaxation I like to thank God for all the blessings he has sent me. If I look back a year and think of what was worrying me then, about what I wanted and didn't have, of things I hoped to do but seemed out of reach I can often see how much God has given to me. It makes me feel thankful that, although my problems, hopes and dreams seem trivial in the whole scheme of things, they are not to God he is always there working behind the scenes, often in very subtle ways,so that you hardly notice any changes but changes there are.
Often after giving thanks I don't feel like I need to ask for anything else. Reflecting on what I already have makes me feel very blessed but I find that after giving thanks it is a good time to write my to do list. I find I can focus better on what's important and also feel in the right mind to get things done and if there are any 'please can I have's' then I will add my requests in there too.
Try and add in five minutes of quite time each day, it's not a lot of time but it will make such a difference to not just your day but your life too.  Try it and see for yourself.

Finding Peace

I read somewhere that we only need to ask God to bring us peace and to trust him to work out what that will be and how it will come to be in our life. It is true as humans we can't help wanting to take control and I find it difficult to believe that God can know what is going to make me truly happy without me giving him some pointers first. One of my worse preconceptions is that true happiness can only ever really occur if I am financially secure. I begin to think well how is that ever going to happen without more money, so before I even give God the chance to start making changes in my life I have already dismissed it as impossible.
While pondering on thoughts of what makes me feel at peace however, I realised it eventually came down to three basic principles.
1. Experiencing love with other people.
2. Appreciating the beauty and the wonders of nature.
3. Experiencing what my own body can do, those 5 amazing senses and how amazing they can make me feel.
My prayer is that I trust God completely to bring more peace into my life in whatever form that maybe and I will keep in mind those three basic principles none of which actually included winning the lottery!

Changing Perspective

I have realised that when I pray for a situation to change quite often what comes back in return is a change on how I look at a situation.  My deepest wish is that I can feel at peace with my life but at the moment there are aspects about my life that I feel unsettled about. I feel like I don't give enough and then thoughts of 'what have I got to give?' come into my head. I have no particular talents, I don't have a lot financially and I lack the confidence to go out a make a difference to the world. I often feel that I lack in other ways too. I want to help my children more, I want to give more to family members in need I want to ease the financial responsibility from my husband so he doesn't have to do a job he hates.  What I pray for now is to change my thoughts to those of abundance instead of lack - I have so much that I have plenty to give instead of I have nothing to give. To give without expecting in return. To know that I can give, however insignificant it may seem a phone call, a smile, an ear to listen, £5 to charity and it all matters. A change of perspective. 

How to let God in

So yesterday I had another very difficult encounter. It was with someone who I love very dearly but who challenges every action I try to put into practice to live a life of love and joyfulness. I had a fitful  nights sleep, feeling irritated and my mind persistently stewing over events that are now so far in the past to those that have happened recently. When ever they popped into my head I consciously told them to go away but within minutes they were back. I have read many times that by meditating and clearing our mind it allows God to come in. I'm not very good at meditating, the voice in my head is always wittering on and I find it hard to turn it off but I kept trying. During the day I still felt upset. My anxiety levels seemed to increase and I honestly felt like bursting into tears but I kept telling those bad thoughts to go away and I kept trying to clear my mind. In truth, if I managed to clear my head for more than a minute at a time I'd be surprised but that must have been enough because later this afternoon I suddenly had a moment of clarity. A voice in my head explained to me why I was feeling like I was. It was like a dark curtain had been opened or a weight had been lifted I suddenly felt so much easier and I knew how I should go forward. That is all it took, a clear mind to let God in and in he came with all the answers. How easy is that. I now feel so grateful that the experience has been so enlightening.

Lifting Vibrations

The other day I had that rare feeling of being truly aligned, spiritually. I felt excited, enthusiastic, my mind was so clear and in that moment I felt I could truly make anything at all materialise in my life. You know what - that feeling lasted for an hour, if that. It doesn't take much, does it to make those positive vibrations drop. How perfect life would be if we could live permanently in that state of clarity. Feeling disappointed I was desperately trying to think of ways to lift my vibrations back up again. This is my 'feel good' to do list that I have come up with for myself:
1. Exercise. I always come out of a zumba class on a high.
2. Music. I have a playlist of all my favourites. Listening to them always makes me feel good.
3. Being with positive people. I have one friend who I can talk to about all things spiritual and she always makes me feel good by reminding me of how far I've come.
4.Smiling. Smiling at everyone you pass, it's surprising how good it makes you feel.
5.Getting out in the fresh air and appreciating the beauty around me.
6. Being grateful.Making a note in my journal of all that I am grateful for.
7. Reading spiritual books. There are so many inspiring authors out there.
8. Giving and not expecting in return. This doesn't always have to be to a charity or to a stranger. Giving to those nearest and dearest is a perfect place to start.
9.Avoiding gossip. You always regret gossiping about others immediately after you have opened your mouth so don't do it!
10. Reminding yourself that you are on a spiritual journey. You are not perfect and we all make mistakes but that's how we grow, so don't beat yourself up over it. If you have learn't from your mistake and some of that lesson has stuck in your brain then you are slowly transforming in to the person you one day hope to be, gradually reaching each stage of spiritual evolution.
11.Be honest, speak from the heart.
12. If none of the above works go shopping!