When You Start Doubt whether God can even hear you

I've been having a difficult time at work, certain things have happened that have made me feel under valued and worthless. This has upset me a lot. I have turned to my spiritual books etc for guidance to get me through this difficult patch. One suggested meditation was the key so I got up early every morning and meditated but instead of my situation getting better it seemed to get worse. I tried affirmations, writing in my journal and praying for help . I got nothing, no sign, no messages, no miracles. It seemed to me that when you are feeling fine and life is floating along swimmingly miracles are abundant. You're in alignment with the universe and you only have to ask and you will receive, however, when you're going through a difficult patch and not in alignment with your true self you block the flow of the universe making it difficult for help to get through. This seems a bit unfair to me. Why, when you are depressed and most in need of Gods help your own depression is keeping him out of reach. I will be honest I never stopped believing in God or asking for his help but I did start to think have I got all this spiritual stuff wrong. My low mood has lasted for weeks. Last night I put in a search on the internet 'What to do when it feels like the Universe is against you'. I got lots of hits, most of them I didn't understand but one response got me thinking. It said that it was possible that I wasn't really reacting to what was going on at work. I was reacting to something deeper, maybe stemming from my childhood and it is that I need to address. I have long been aware that being bullied at school has had a great impact on my life even now after all these years. It has effected my confidence and my self-esteem, in fact any negative comment, even just an odd look in my direction has the ability to knock me sideways and feelings of being a failure soon arise in me. When I gave my current situation some thought I realised this long held insecurity was the cause of my unhappiness. Michael Singer states in the book 'The Untethered Soul' that we should come to realise that all these negative thoughts chattering in our head are not really us they are just thoughts that we are witnessing. We do not have to give them any of our time or energy. We just need to acknowledge that they are there and then let them pass us by. I sat last night and I wrote down what sort of worker would I like people to think I was. Words such as creative, enthusiastic, committed sprung to mind. I then did some brain storming of ways I could show that I was all of those things. I decided that as difficult as it is I would try and let those negative feelings pass me by and focus on the new ideas I had come up with. I do believe that difficult times are sent to teach us and we have to go through them to learn although when you are going through them it can seem unbearable and a very lonely time. If you're going through a similar experience all I can suggest is to keep writing how you feel in your journal, keep praying and meditating and keep looking for spiritual guidance from any source and eventually help will come. Maybe what I've written will help you, I hope so. We're a complicated breed us humans and life's not easy and feeling like you do is normal, just look deep within and maybe that is where your answers lie.