Handling Fear

I was saying in a previous post how I had been going through a difficult time and how I thought it was unfair that fear blocked you from moving on when you need it most. I did find relief eventually by continually praying. My prayers were desperate but at some point I must have relaxed enough to enable me to hear the answer I needed to hear to move forward. Things have been good since then, brilliant in fact, I have felt close to God and aligned with the universe. You would think that if you were perfectly aligned, life should run perfectly, everything falling in to place just as it should but life does not happen like that. There are ups and there are downs and now I have come to another tricky situation. I now feel more equipped to deal with it which is why I must tell you about this. Fear is such a natural human response, anything that happens that is out of the ordinary, that challenges our regular existence instantly results in fear which clouds our decisions. The excuses that fill our heads to try and escape the fear are so loud and strong they block out the calmness that we must adopt to hear God. We want to listen to the fear because that feels safer, easier. We convince ourselves that these thoughts are there to protect us and those close to us from more hurt or from making mistakes in the future, so we must take them seriously. A situation has arisen in my life, a possible life changing decision. I instantly felt afraid, I wanted to ignore it and remain in my safe, predictable life. This time before the fear took hold completely I prayed to God. I actually said to myself I am not going to think fearful thoughts about this yet I am going to ask God for help. The first thing that I came across was a talk by a famous spiritual leader. He said that in the past when his life was difficult and he had no job and little money for food, he told people he was going to the job centre but what he actually did first was went to the park to meditate and ask for help. He didn’t always admit this to others because most people live in fear and they would not understand this course of action. ”Never mind sitting in the park, you need to be looking for a job’ they would say. I decided that before fear took hold I would meditate too. It was difficult to calm my mind as my brain was filled with scary thoughts and my heart was pounding but I kept on repeating to myself over and over ‘I have nothing to fear, God will guide me’. I said this over and over until the fear subsided and I began to feel reassured that I was going to be OK. The hardest thing on this spiritual journey is to have faith and trust in God. When life is going swimmingly it’s easy to declare your faith but it’s when difficult times arise, to find the strength to put your faith in God is the real challenge. To trust that he has your back and to walk into the unknown - that is the real test for us. For me, my decision has the ability to negatively affect my finances, to change my career for the worse with little possibility of going back. While writing this I feel fear rising inside of me but for now these are just thoughts which serve no purpose I must lean back and let them pass by and just take each step as I come to it and know that God is there for me. On the other hand my life could move from being mundane, safe and predictable to new and amazing. When I write in my journal of the life that I wish to manifest for myself it is so far removed from the life that I live now. How can this come in to being without some big changes? This is the problem with fear, we want to protect ourselves so much from fear we surround ourselves with walls to keep us safe but that stops us from going out and feeling the sun on our face and the beauty of the world. I’m not saying that fear won’t rear its head again, in fact I am certain it will and it may win but I feel this is a test for me to show God that I do have faith in him and I can move onto the next level of my spiritual journey, that of trust and the ability to step into the unknown relying solely on my faith in God. Am I up to this challenge?

A lesson about faith

A few months ago in the summer I was tested or maybe I was given an opportunity to learn a very important lesson. The weeks before had been glorious, the best you could wish for. Sunshine, no stress, spending long summer days with the man I love enjoying everything life had to offer. I had been doing some meditations focusing on prosperity and abundance. In the midst of this perfect existence we were suddenly put in an unusual situation. In our narrow minds we could not see how this could be a good experience, our fears told us that we must do everything we could to get out of this situation and return to the normality we had been experiencing. Inside I felt that there was some meaning behind what was happening but I did not know what and my fears were very present as much as my husbands were. I tried to meditate but I was unable to find calm. I’m not making excuses but it happened at the wrong time of the month when my hormones were making me particularly sensitive and my husbands fears were so strong that I felt I was being swept away by them. We let our fears determine our choices. At a crucial point I remember having a sudden feeling that we should step back and let fate take it’s course and fate in fact stepped in as far as I was concerned and stopped me from making a very costly mistake but my husband was not having any of this. Despite the signs trying to stop him he continued to push forward with his plans and eventually they came in to play. With hind sight we can now see that those choices were not only costly financially and still causing my husband a lot of stress but had we leaned back, let go and let God we would have had more money now than we would have had before (maybe my earlier meditations focusing on abundance and prosperity were the course of this)  and possibly some happy memories of that period in time. For myself  I did not suffer financially although my fear stopped me from gaining financially either. I did learn a valuable lesson though. I wonder now if that was God’s plan. They say nothing is meaningless. I look back now and realise if my faith was stronger and I was able then to put my fears aside and connect with God I could have dealt with the situation better. I cannot control my husband’s fears however and they may have been so strong that the outcome would have remained the same. I feel blessed that I have learned and this lesson has stayed with me and is helping me now. I have prayed to God to end my husband’s stress and put right his financial loss. I don’t like to see him so worried. I know that this is between God and him but I can only send my love.

When You Start Doubt whether God can even hear you

I've been having a difficult time at work, certain things have happened that have made me feel under valued and worthless. This has upset me a lot. I have turned to my spiritual books etc for guidance to get me through this difficult patch. One suggested meditation was the key so I got up early every morning and meditated but instead of my situation getting better it seemed to get worse. I tried affirmations, writing in my journal and praying for help . I got nothing, no sign, no messages, no miracles. It seemed to me that when you are feeling fine and life is floating along swimmingly miracles are abundant. You're in alignment with the universe and you only have to ask and you will receive, however, when you're going through a difficult patch and not in alignment with your true self you block the flow of the universe making it difficult for help to get through. This seems a bit unfair to me. Why, when you are depressed and most in need of Gods help your own depression is keeping him out of reach. I will be honest I never stopped believing in God or asking for his help but I did start to think have I got all this spiritual stuff wrong. My low mood has lasted for weeks. Last night I put in a search on the internet 'What to do when it feels like the Universe is against you'. I got lots of hits, most of them I didn't understand but one response got me thinking. It said that it was possible that I wasn't really reacting to what was going on at work. I was reacting to something deeper, maybe stemming from my childhood and it is that I need to address. I have long been aware that being bullied at school has had a great impact on my life even now after all these years. It has effected my confidence and my self-esteem, in fact any negative comment, even just an odd look in my direction has the ability to knock me sideways and feelings of being a failure soon arise in me. When I gave my current situation some thought I realised this long held insecurity was the cause of my unhappiness. Michael Singer states in the book 'The Untethered Soul' that we should come to realise that all these negative thoughts chattering in our head are not really us they are just thoughts that we are witnessing. We do not have to give them any of our time or energy. We just need to acknowledge that they are there and then let them pass us by. I sat last night and I wrote down what sort of worker would I like people to think I was. Words such as creative, enthusiastic, committed sprung to mind. I then did some brain storming of ways I could show that I was all of those things. I decided that as difficult as it is I would try and let those negative feelings pass me by and focus on the new ideas I had come up with. I do believe that difficult times are sent to teach us and we have to go through them to learn although when you are going through them it can seem unbearable and a very lonely time. If you're going through a similar experience all I can suggest is to keep writing how you feel in your journal, keep praying and meditating and keep looking for spiritual guidance from any source and eventually help will come. Maybe what I've written will help you, I hope so. We're a complicated breed us humans and life's not easy and feeling like you do is normal, just look deep within and maybe that is where your answers lie.

Just Do Something!

So I like to read self-help books and a lot of them suggest you visualise where you would like to be in the future. The more detail you can add the better and then you can start to plan what you would like to achieve in the next year, 6 months , the next week. Well I don't know in detail where I would like to be in the future. I know that I would like to feel content and I would like to feel relaxed and at peace. I know I would like to get up in the morning and think 'Yey, another great day!' instead of thinking I wish I wasn't at work today. It has been a source of much concern that I am so unclear about what I want and I have feared that because of this it is unlikely that anything will ever change . I have decided therefore that I will only look as far as the day that is in front of me. I have always said to myself 'If you don't know what to do, just do something'. I reckon that if I just do something rather than nothing each day then I must be taking one step forward towards my goal. So now when I wake up and I write in my journal anything that pops into my head that seems like a good idea to do, I will try and do. I figure that God will know better than me what will make me happy so I will leave it up to God to guide me and hopefully I will find that peace and experience a lot of joy on the way too.

A Daily Ritual

I like most have a super hectic life. I know that if only I can allow myself a moment of daily quiet time I can allow God to enter in and guide me but I often think I have too much to do and trying to switch off  and stop all those thoughts entering me head is really difficult. First of all I have to remind myself that finding just 5 minutes of quiet time is probably the most worthwhile thing I will do all day. I have found that just telling myself to STOP actually helps me to do what it says. I say to myself:
Stop for a moment and relax
Stop for a moment, trying to do 101 things
Stop for a moment trying to figure everything out
Stop for a moment feeling guilty about everything

Surprisingly saying these words gives me the permission to allow myself to just sit quietly and relax. Stop for a moment and allow your mind to to be blank and allow your body to relax.
When I feel ready after a good period of relaxation I like to thank God for all the blessings he has sent me. If I look back a year and think of what was worrying me then, about what I wanted and didn't have, of things I hoped to do but seemed out of reach I can often see how much God has given to me. It makes me feel thankful that, although my problems, hopes and dreams seem trivial in the whole scheme of things, they are not to God he is always there working behind the scenes, often in very subtle ways,so that you hardly notice any changes but changes there are.
Often after giving thanks I don't feel like I need to ask for anything else. Reflecting on what I already have makes me feel very blessed but I find that after giving thanks it is a good time to write my to do list. I find I can focus better on what's important and also feel in the right mind to get things done and if there are any 'please can I have's' then I will add my requests in there too.
Try and add in five minutes of quite time each day, it's not a lot of time but it will make such a difference to not just your day but your life too.  Try it and see for yourself.

Finding Peace

I read somewhere that we only need to ask God to bring us peace and to trust him to work out what that will be and how it will come to be in our life. It is true as humans we can't help wanting to take control and I find it difficult to believe that God can know what is going to make me truly happy without me giving him some pointers first. One of my worse preconceptions is that true happiness can only ever really occur if I am financially secure. I begin to think well how is that ever going to happen without more money, so before I even give God the chance to start making changes in my life I have already dismissed it as impossible.
While pondering on thoughts of what makes me feel at peace however, I realised it eventually came down to three basic principles.
1. Experiencing love with other people.
2. Appreciating the beauty and the wonders of nature.
3. Experiencing what my own body can do, those 5 amazing senses and how amazing they can make me feel.
My prayer is that I trust God completely to bring more peace into my life in whatever form that maybe and I will keep in mind those three basic principles none of which actually included winning the lottery!

Changing Perspective

I have realised that when I pray for a situation to change quite often what comes back in return is a change on how I look at a situation.  My deepest wish is that I can feel at peace with my life but at the moment there are aspects about my life that I feel unsettled about. I feel like I don't give enough and then thoughts of 'what have I got to give?' come into my head. I have no particular talents, I don't have a lot financially and I lack the confidence to go out a make a difference to the world. I often feel that I lack in other ways too. I want to help my children more, I want to give more to family members in need I want to ease the financial responsibility from my husband so he doesn't have to do a job he hates.  What I pray for now is to change my thoughts to those of abundance instead of lack - I have so much that I have plenty to give instead of I have nothing to give. To give without expecting in return. To know that I can give, however insignificant it may seem a phone call, a smile, an ear to listen, £5 to charity and it all matters. A change of perspective. 

How to let God in

So yesterday I had another very difficult encounter. It was with someone who I love very dearly but who challenges every action I try to put into practice to live a life of love and joyfulness. I had a fitful  nights sleep, feeling irritated and my mind persistently stewing over events that are now so far in the past to those that have happened recently. When ever they popped into my head I consciously told them to go away but within minutes they were back. I have read many times that by meditating and clearing our mind it allows God to come in. I'm not very good at meditating, the voice in my head is always wittering on and I find it hard to turn it off but I kept trying. During the day I still felt upset. My anxiety levels seemed to increase and I honestly felt like bursting into tears but I kept telling those bad thoughts to go away and I kept trying to clear my mind. In truth, if I managed to clear my head for more than a minute at a time I'd be surprised but that must have been enough because later this afternoon I suddenly had a moment of clarity. A voice in my head explained to me why I was feeling like I was. It was like a dark curtain had been opened or a weight had been lifted I suddenly felt so much easier and I knew how I should go forward. That is all it took, a clear mind to let God in and in he came with all the answers. How easy is that. I now feel so grateful that the experience has been so enlightening.

Lifting Vibrations

The other day I had that rare feeling of being truly aligned, spiritually. I felt excited, enthusiastic, my mind was so clear and in that moment I felt I could truly make anything at all materialise in my life. You know what - that feeling lasted for an hour, if that. It doesn't take much, does it to make those positive vibrations drop. How perfect life would be if we could live permanently in that state of clarity. Feeling disappointed I was desperately trying to think of ways to lift my vibrations back up again. This is my 'feel good' to do list that I have come up with for myself:
1. Exercise. I always come out of a zumba class on a high.
2. Music. I have a playlist of all my favourites. Listening to them always makes me feel good.
3. Being with positive people. I have one friend who I can talk to about all things spiritual and she always makes me feel good by reminding me of how far I've come.
4.Smiling. Smiling at everyone you pass, it's surprising how good it makes you feel.
5.Getting out in the fresh air and appreciating the beauty around me.
6. Being grateful.Making a note in my journal of all that I am grateful for.
7. Reading spiritual books. There are so many inspiring authors out there.
8. Giving and not expecting in return. This doesn't always have to be to a charity or to a stranger. Giving to those nearest and dearest is a perfect place to start.
9.Avoiding gossip. You always regret gossiping about others immediately after you have opened your mouth so don't do it!
10. Reminding yourself that you are on a spiritual journey. You are not perfect and we all make mistakes but that's how we grow, so don't beat yourself up over it. If you have learn't from your mistake and some of that lesson has stuck in your brain then you are slowly transforming in to the person you one day hope to be, gradually reaching each stage of spiritual evolution.
11.Be honest, speak from the heart.
12. If none of the above works go shopping!

Positive People and Energy Vampire!

I am ashamed to admit that I have spent far too long over the past few days fretting over comments and actions made by other people. I have come to realise that in life there are some people who seem to have a knack of sucking out all of your positive energy after just a short time in their company. It maybe that they spend the whole time complaining about everything, or very subtly highlighting all of your flaws so that your self-esteem plummets , they maybe the braggers or they maybe the jealous type. I call those people that slowly suck the life out of you 'Energy Vampires'. I am the type of person that likes to try and get along with everyone and I feel guilty if I go away thinking horrible thoughts about another person. But I am now forced to admit that unfortunately we just can't get along with everyone and when you feel like your happiness, self-worth and positive energy is being continually affected by another person it's time to consider whether you really should have them in your life. Of course it's not always easy to get them out of your life. While considering this problem my thoughts suddenly moved to thinking of those people who are the complete opposite. The ones who make you feel like you could conquer the world after a short time in their company. I'm talking about those upbeat, positive type of people. The ones that make even the dullest activity sound like amazing fun, the adventurous, encouraging, warm and joyful people whose positivity is contagious.
    After much consideration I came to the following decision regarding my unsettling weekend:
1. After contact with Energy Vampires I must not become one myself. What I mean is, if I'm left feeling anxious and angry I won't go bringing other people down by complaining to them about my bad experience.
2. I must think about those positive people that I am drawn to and make a conscious effort to be like them. In fact make that my life's purpose.

I found a great article about just this at http://www.creativeaffirmations.com/positive-character-traits.html . The site provides a list of positive character traits. It encourages you to choose the ones you like the best and focus on and develop them. The words I would most like to be described as are: Happy, Optimistic, Loving, Considerate, Vibrant., Enthusiastic, Grateful, Proactive, Encouraging and Warm. I feel guilty that for a while now the more unpleasant aspects of my personality have been coming to the fore but at least I have realised this and as I have said before we all have the opportunity to choose again and I choose to be and an energy booster and not a drainer so say 'Hello' to this ray of sunshine which is the new me! 

Hormones

Hormones- They affect your moods and make you think and feel differently. Unfortunately for us girls it's an unavoidable part of the month. In my case I feel self conscious, paranoid, unloved, negative, tired, agitated, craving unhealthy food , in general pretty yucky really.Understand why you feel this way, it's your hormones not the real you, accept it and wait for it to pass. Before you say or do something you may later regret just remind yourself that hormones are in full swing. Note to self: don't shop on ebay or go for a change in hairstyle during this phase! 

Laws of Attraction

What you give out you will get back in return. This includes negative thoughts about yourself (self-sabotage). If you think you are a failure, you will fail - Remember That!

Giving

A quote for 'The Power' by Rhonda Byrne
We are hardwired to give. When you give whole-heartedly, with love, then you will receive goodness in return. The only way to receive all the good this world has to offer is to give.

When Someone or Something Makes you Angry

Don't let angry or resentful thoughts take over your head. Deliberately think I am going to push you to one side and get busy doing something I enjoy. I usually put on some music that always lifts my spirits, I get creating, or clean out a cupboard that needs sorting, or watch a good movie, anything that will distract me long enough to allow the power of those thoughts to dwindle. Once they have lost their power they no longer feel important enough to warrant spending so much time on them. I also find that by releasing those angry, resentful thoughts I leave a clearer path for God to sort out the problem for me.

Small Steps

If you feel over whelmed, lost or just your get up and go has got up and left! Just take one small step in the right direction. Think of one job on your to do list or even just the tiniest part of a job on your to do list and do that. If, like me, you like doing arty things, force yourself to just paint the background of one canvas or search the internet for one inspirational image. Maybe it's exercise you need, pop on your favourite music and have a jig around the kitchen. You just need to take one tiny step at a time in the right direction and you'll be surprised at how all these tiny steps begin to add up.

When things don't go to plan.

When things go wrong don't beat yourself up over it. I am a great believer in the 'Law of Attraction' . In some cases bad things happen because of thinking or acting negatively. If this is the case just acknowledge that you've made the wrong choice and then 'Choose Again'. This is the great thing about Gods forgiveness, he always gives us the opportunity to start over, turn things around, do it differently from now on.
I have come to believe, however, that sometimes things go wrong or bad things happen and it's not our fault, you didn't cause it, you had no control over it, it just happened to you. Spending time asking 'Why' or 'What did I do to deserve this?' is a waste of time. I remember a woman I knew at art college who was diagnosed with terminal cancer writing on a piece of her art work 'Shit Happens' and it does. It's part of this life we live in and when it does we just have to keep treading water until the difficult feelings get easier to manage. Just 'keep on keeping on' as the song says, as best you can until you get through it. Possibly one day you'll look back and the experience has made you stronger, wiser, a better person or possibly it hasn't made any positive difference, that's life.
(Inspired by Wayne Dyers book 'Making the Shift: How to Live Your True Divine Purpose').

Loving the Moment

One of the messages that constantly comes my way is that all God expects of you in life is to fully enjoy the now. To fully appreciate what you are doing right at this moment. Notice the sounds, smells, sights, tastes and the touch of things. If you are with someone, really listen to them, look at them, appreciate their company. If you are doing an activity really think about what you are doing and be grateful for the opportunity. All God expects from you is to love the here and now, to find the joy in every moment. It is so easy to do things on auto pilot and to miss out on the small blessings and the beauty of the everyday. The other day my mind was full of thoughts about an event that had disturbed me. I was so consumed with those thoughts about something that has passed now, is history, I didn't realise one of my favourite songs was playing on the radio until it had almost ended. If we were all truly present in everything we do we wouldn't over eat or over spend because we would be truly thinking about what we were putting in our bodies and what we really needed to spend our money on. We could find the joy and purpose in the most mundane activity and if it wasn't bringing us joy we would actively look for ways to change that. 'How can I make this moment a joyful one?' Thinking that way would put an end to mindlessly spending hours watching TV or on social media. If I can work at being present, even just being aware when I'm not present is a start,  then I think I will be heading on the right path.
(Inspired by Eckhart Tole's book 'The Power of Now').

To Begin

I read a lot of books on spirituality. They all talk about being truly aligned with your true purpose in life, being centered. My biggest fear is that I will come to the end of my life and feel like I haven't truly lived it, I have never known what my true purpose ever was. I am, therefore, constantly looking for signposts (I believe are sent from God, or the Great Creator or Higher Power, whatever you want to call it), hence the title of this blog. I regularly jot down anything that has some meaning to me that is helping me on this journey to be the best version of myself. This might be something I read, or hear in passing or in a song lyric or a news article for example. It might be a lesson I learn from something I have experienced. The problem is for a short while that message really makes sense to me but then I forget and before I know it I'm wondering where I'm going wrong and what direction I should be going in. I have decided to write this blog to record all of these spiritual signposts.In the hope they will keep me on track and help me on my journey.