It's all about me

It' is a recurring problem that I have been dealing with since I was pretty young really, feeling like a failure and beating myself up, constantly for not being a great mum, daughter, wife, friend, not having a great career or for not being particularly talented. This January has been tough. I have struggled with low moods but today I feel the clouds are finally parting. It is funny I have received lots of good advice from all kinds of sources to help me through but it is only now when I am open to receive help that I can appreciate the help God was sending me. One quote that I read on Instagram that stuck with me said 'I am not here to fix anything, I am here to have fun'. I have decided this month is going to be all about me and having fun. My main focus is going to be finding as many ways to enjoy myself. The words 'I should' are not going to enter my vocabulary. I'm not going to think I should do this to be a good person or to please that person. I am just going to do whatever brings me joy. That sounds selfish but I actually think that by following my joy I may actually get closer to finding my purpose. I usually feel the happiest anyway spending time with family and friends. I usually find things work out better when I am feeling light-hearted and happy. I am not going to be silly - I know if I go on a spending spree I may experience an afternoon of joy but then a lot of misery later wondering how I am going to pay for it all. For this month I am going to try not to worry about what I am doing to find a worthwhile career or to help my fellowman. I am going to leave that to God to sort those things out. If God brings opportunities for change in those areas of my life then that will be amazing but my focus is going to be on fun, blue skies, lots of love and laughter. Let's see how I get on.